what a long day...

it was such a long day today... did alot of work man... carrying heavy stuff from the shop to another in bras basah.. in the rain some more.. walked all the way to funan to buy stuff.. wa... super far.. but we slacked there and played the xbox and CS.. haha.. fun fun.. ;-p

went for dinner with my friend.. it was fun.. and it really made my day.. haha.. as i said before, i still make a much better friend or close friend ( a lil more than a friend kinda thing ) than a lover.. cos when pple become lovers, they tend to put much more expectations on the other.. that's how i feel.. and that's what i've gone through.. so.. yeah i dun wan that to happen.. i rather have a close friend.. and if it is God's will, then we would be that much more than close friends lor.. yeah.. although danny and the yf discourage BGR, it ain't that which makes me put it aside right now.. it's cos i know from my recent breakup that i'm not ready.. i'm not mature enough to handle things of such great magnitude in a way that would please God, and would resolve any problems that surface peacefully and happily.. i dun want those puppy love kinda relationship that is lovey dovey and stuff.. a relationship is not just that.. it is something more.. it is sharing your life with the other.. and what i'm really excited about is God.. it's Jesus.. if my other half doesn't see it.. doesn't understand and get it, then how can she possibly share in my passion and enthusiasm?

haha.. i know i may some confusing.. may some contradicting to you, whoever you are that's reading my blog with or without my knowledge.. but yeah that's my stand.. i just won't stand down from Jesus.. He gave me my family back.. He restored to me a life that I can live in.. He stopped me from taking the plunge 3 years ago.. and He came for me that night as i wept to sleep.. He has been so real, so remarkable to me.. I will give my everything for Him.. everything.

sentosa again!!!

haha... it was a fun day today... went to sentosa with the guys... met august there with his gang cos i already knew he was going.. he told me.. haha.. then we played together.. beach soccer, beach softball and ultimate frisbee.. haha.. it was real great fun man.. although there was no sun but still it was enjoyable.. weather was cloudy and cool.. hee.. went to the billabong shop by the beach on our way to shower at palawan beach.. bought a new pair of surf shorts and a new t-shirt.. liked them alot alot.. and bought a cute orange keychain.. haha.. spent about $120 plus in total.. but i was happy.. hee.. went to eat at the foodcourt in ps.. wanted to watch Meet The Fockers there found out all sold out.. so we watched at marina square instead.. it was a hilarious show man.. haha.. Fockerised.. hehe.. oh.. ate ayam panggang for dinner.. superb.. was starving cos whole day didn't eat.. the ayam panggang was what i needed to fill my stomach man.. haha.. it was a good day in all.. but i'm terribly beaten up.. both legs injured.. lj smashed into my injured knee.. and lk zham the shin of the same leg too.. haha.. my right leg's fallin apart la.. haha.. and my old backache is back again.. crappy.. why do i feel old suddenly.. haha.. ;-p

morning thoughts...

hmmm... was just surfing the net and came across this... it's a movie dialogue from Runaway Bride... "Look, I gurantee that we'll have tough times. And I gurantee that at some point, one or both of us will want to get out of this thing. But I also gurantee that if I don't ask you to be mine I'll regret it for the rest of my life. Because I know in my heart, you're the only one for me." made me think of nic... these are the exact words that i would have said to her... well she got out of it liao... but i don't regret everytime i try so hard to make her fall in love with me again... the attempts were tiring, at times depressing... but each time that we got back, our love deepens... sigh... thinking back hurts alot... and i thought i'm all over and cool now... guess i'm wrong again... haha... seems like my 6th sense is only good when it comes to sensing what others feel, and how others feel for other people... can't sense whether a person likes me or my true feelings... oh wells... no point dwelling in this... haha... this heart-wrenching moment of reflection would pass by... at least i hope it does... memories are so bitter sweet... haha... yeah.. time to go prepare... gotta go work...

still painful...

ouchies ouchies ouchies. i sang a new song today. as i turned on the tap and bathed. my burn's pretty bad, my skin's all red. ouchies ouchies ouchies. haha... a silly song that i came up with... bleahs~~!!! haha... today i was let off work at 3pm.. no customer and the boss wanted to cut costs... haha... so i went to the gym! at last man.. had a good time there with lj and milkston.. hahaha... decided that we shld go every mon, wed and fri... then sun we go sentosa.. soon we'll be tan and fit... haha... now i'm red and fat... yucks! =p *i'm feeling happy today... haha.. aye aye captain!!! ;o)*

sentosa...

woah... went to sentosa with the junior youths and of cos the older youths too today...haha.. it was fun man... been so long since i last played beach soccer.. haha.. and frisbee too.. had lotsa fun and i got real real real burnt.. i'm hurting now.. so pls.. dun u dare touch me! hahaha... ;-p went to fish n co for dinner... hip hip hooray man.. hahaha... it was awesome!!! superb!!! splendid!!! i enjoeyed the seafood platter alot sial.. haha.. it was really satisfying.. hee.. but i think i'm still hungry now... hahaha... oopsie!!! ;0)

christmas...!!!

christmas came and went by so quickly man... haha.. had the christmas bash on fri... christmas eve.. it was so fun.. was co-leading with ian.. haha... the pastor.. evann walker was super funny during his sermon.. and he's really one of the better preachers i've met... haha... hmm... kiatz brought some frenz down... haha... one of them was interesting... that's as much as i would say.. haha.. church service the next day was cool man... the adults invited their parents cos it was a purely chinese service... man... we packed the auditorium to the overflowing man... the youths had to sorta skip service for that day.. haha.. we went to the seminar room and prayed for the salvation of the parents... and lots accepted Christ man.. praise God! =) went out with some of the youths to watch Kung Fu Hustle... hee.. it was a super duper lame and funny show man... haha... laugh until cry type of stupid show... haha.. great way to destress though.. hehe... went to danny's place after that... all the CGLs and AOs were invited for a christmas dinner... it was great.. i mean the food.. haha.. and the red wine.. though i didn't drink much cos i don't really like red wine.. haha.. oh wells that was all for the christmas eve and day.. haha.. just wanted to blog about the new gal that i got to know.. haha.. ;-p

new ratings are up!!!

eXpressive: 7/10 Practical: 6/10 Physical: 2/10 Giver: 6/10 You are a XPIG--Expressive Practical Intellectual Giver. This makes you a Catch.You are a magazine-cover, matinee idol dreamboat. Parents love you and want to set you up with their kids. However, first dates are tough because it takes time for your qualities to come out. You are generous and kind. You think first and act later. You are cool in a conflict, but your practical side means if your partner throws out emotional appeals ("why can't we do what I want for a change?") they will grate on your nerves, even when the conflict is resolved. You're a romantic. You enjoy the thrill of the hunt, and you don't just fall into bed with anyone. You pay close attention to your significant other's needs, and this makes you an excellent lover and partner. The problem is that your friends and lovers may find it so easy to express things to *you* that they lose sight of whether you feel as comfortable with *them*! This doesn't necessarily make you feel under-appreciated -- you're too well-adjusted and self-aware for that -- but you may feel restless. Thus you seek adventure in your life outside the relationship to prove and actualize yourself. Of all the types, you would make the best parent. You are coiffed.

*hahaha... alright i shall write about the christmas hols tmr after i return from sentosa... maybe the monday morning after i slept enough.. hee.. ;-p *

reflections... reflector?

hmmm... read her blog today... finally read it... sigh... i dunno man... i know it's over... i know i said i'll let go and leave it to God... i said lotsa stuff... but somehow in me... i still cling on unknowingly... and then when i see her again... sigh... i know she has let go... see her enjoying herself with her own frenz and stuff... i'm no longer a factor in her life anymore... but she still is... a little... somehow i still think of her at times when i'm alone... my mind would wander to her... why? i know it's no use thinking of her or going after her again... the ending would be the same as the previous few... cos... in the end... it'll be... the issue with God... i chose to walk this path of being a reflector... ain't gonna turn back... though i do look back over my shoulders... sigh... i'm messed up... not in the totally lost way... just frustrated that i can't let her go everytime this happens... i'm like such a loser... while she has moved on i'm still stuck in this place eating her dust... crappy... God... someone... help me... >.<

*in distress*

bbq...

woah.. yesterday was a super off day man.. work was hectic.. there were so many orders that we can't stop working at all.. we both got so tired that we kept blundering.. worst still, the penknives don't seem to wana cooperate.. kept cutting jagged edges or going off line.. grrr.. i got so many paper cuts too that my right hand is hurting like mad.. and i think i'm falling ill.. which i can't afford to cos i'm co-leading worship on friday's christmas bash.. the bbq was kinda sad.. supposed to have close to 30 people.. but in the end only about 15 went.. but we still had fun.. haha.. hooray to self entertainment! hahaha.. alright.. i'm about to go get ready for work.. hope today would be a better day.. =)

incredible camp..

wow.. youth camp was great.. had a good good time man.. God was really in da house and moving so powerfully.. everyone got ministered to in one way or another during the worship sessions, and the sermons really spoke to us.. it's by Pastor Jeremy Seaward.. and he spoke twice a day, morn and night.. his whole series was titled Living For A Cause.. and man was it relevant to us.. haha.. thank God for it.. got to lead worship throughout the camp.. was supposed to lead only one slot but ended up on the stage almost all the time with ian.. i was trembling everytime but i'm glad God gave me the chance.. seeing the people getting touched by God and really praising Him was what i've wanted all along.. to lead them into a deeper and closer time of worship.. hallelujah.. resumed working today.. super slack day cos no customers so spent my time sleeping or making giant trash bags and going for walks.. haha.. took my pay.. haha.. cos liang jie took so i was given as well.. only got $157 cos i just started last monday and i've taken 2 days leave.. haha.. but it felt good.. my first dollar.. haha.. oh wells.. i'm super tired.. gonna sleep now.. another long day tmr. there's BBQ! haha.. shiok.. can meet my mission team members.. miss them so so much.. haha.. okies.. gtg.. cherrios! =)

uhmz uhmz...

man... was a fun day at work.. haha.. did the usual things that i did yesterday... but today... i was super focused... till i cut myself and didnt realise it until after i finished that job.. haha.. nuts nuts... ;-p went to meeting for all core cell members after work.. camp briefing.. haha.. i'm promoted to CGL.. hallelujah.. so i'll be leading the cell this camp and would be their leader from now on.. hope God would use me powerfully to bring a radical change in my cell man.. i'm so excited and expectant of a whole new revival in yf.. yeah.. okies.. wana sleep liao.. tmr got work then gotta rush to help pack and bring the logistics to the camp site.. haha.. camp's on thurs.. wooh.. hectic.. but fun! haha.. =)

tiring day...

started work today.. haha.. first job in my life.. was pretty excited about it.. worked at a printing firm.. deals with all sorts of print media.. yupp.. we produce almost everything related to print media.. think the only things we don't handle are newspapers and magazines.. haha.. i work at Ling Image.. a shop opp bras basah.. was a super duper tiring day man.. did not get to sit at all cos i had to stand and cut the print-outs to size and one job could take hours cos of the quantity.. man.. think i only sat down twice.. breakfast and lunch.. which i had to run out and buy for everyone.. meals are like 10-15mins.. after eating we gotta start working again.. pretty hectic.. haha.. but it was enriching.. learnt alot of stuff today.. and got more pro with using a pen knife sial.. haha.. we carry a pen knife in our pocket the whole day.. everywhere we go in fact.. haha.. it was quite fun la.. hmm.. eyes are closing.. legs are crying. heh.. i'm beat.. real beat.. guess i'll turn in for today.. yeah.. hmm.. i'm missing my team mates.. haha.. *yawns* ok ok.. cheerios!!!! =)

Eve wrote...

Hey Levites! It’s me.. I’m having withdrawal symptoms of you guys right now. Really miss you guys. I had such a great time during this trip. The work we will slowly forget, but the crazy fun, friendships and testimonies, we will never forget. It set me thinking about you guys, the fun we had, and the weird stuff I’ve noticed about each of you guys, it brought a big smile to my face. Alex, Thanks for always supporting me in leading this team, it really means so much to me. I’m glad that me, Kum Yong and you talked til late on the 1st Thip hotel night. Got to know you better and I promise I will never forget your “BEH HEEAY!” when I pray for others. We got secret joke eye smile one ok.. don’t play play. Yee Hong, Thanks for carrying the what-a-big-bag-for-you bag everyday as we went from place place, and for sharing your entire joke book to us, telling us the answers to them before we can even guess. Miss your laughter, but I bet Sarah misses you more than I do. Eugene, Thanks for being so warm to the villagers, esp the first village nite, you’ve bridged the barrier between us and the children. I miss your air-con mouth jokes, really enjoyed them, “I also feel like taking a BATHE now”. Was it you who started the “We have a newcomer! What should we say?” phrase? Joyce, Thanks for always praying on most of the ministry trips, it really encouraged me to pray more. Thanks for also allowing me to sit at the window seat in 3 of the 4 planes that we took, and for making the pretty encouragement booklets. And I bet you enjoyed the “consuming fire” too.. Kum Yong, Thanks for always being so generous, “No one comes to free food except through me” (only applicable to food sold in thai baht), and never failing to crack me up. Thanks for making sarcastic remarks. I really enjoy them, really! Never fail to crack me up. I like this one—I’m very blunt and direct, so if I say something bad to your face, most of the time, I mean it. It’s funny ok... Joseph, Thanks for always bringing the guitar here and there, for helping me say stuff that I find hard to say, for taking care of the smaller ones in the team. I really appreciate it. I especially remember you saying this phrase really loud, “WELCOME TO THE LAME ASSOCIATION! LAME AHH LAME AHH!” Probably because you were so enthusiastic in doing the action that it caught my attention.. goodness! Si Heng, Thanks for taking your time to memorize all the thai songs, which you did very well! Well before us! I’ll always remember that your ear can hear VERY well! Can’t believe you and the other three guys actually slept together in such a small bed for so many days! Alywin, Thanks for taking care of me when I was sick, for being so prayerful about things, you really encouraged me a lot. Thanks for always plucking all the oldie songs on the guitar in the mornings and evenings. And for entertaining Yee Hong with the dragonball moves, handphone gun shots and many others. Levites, you guys have been wonderful. A really wonderful team. I would not have asked for another. Great friendships have been build. Love you guys. You guys are crazy man! Welcome to the LAME association!

*yawns*

Hmm.. i don't usually blog.. not that much i mean.. but i'm so freaking bored right now.. nothing better to do.. noone to talk to.. everyone's too busy.. hmm.. seriously wonder what i'm doing man.. i really have to get a job asap. maybe after my youth camp.. at least slogging my heart is beats rotting it out at home.. it's much more tiring staying home with nothing to do other than using the computer and watching tv.. yeah.. and also.. an idle mind is the devil's workshop.. can't remember who told me this before.. haha.. but i guess it's true.. when you're too free you start thinking of stuff.. all the wrong stuff.. sigh.. it's demoralising.. hmm.. ok.. i know what.. i shall go do some indoor exercise.. haha.. push-ups and sit-ups for starters.. maybe a little skipping too.. wish today's sentosa trip went as planned instead of being cancelled.. i'm so bored and restless.. haha.. *yawns*

it hurts like hell...

it's over... all that we had, all that we shared, all the hiding from people, everything. over last night and i guess this time it's forever. sigh.. as much as it hurts me so so so much, i think it's better for both of us since we both know that there won't be a positive ending to it.. she'll never accept and be as God loving as me, and i know that i can't compromise my stand about God and His words either.. yupp.. i just hope that we can both move on nicely and still be as close friends as we were.. i love her so much.. so much that i can't even explain the depths of it.. and being torn between her, God and the people in church, it was getting tiring.. sometimes i wonder.. why can't God let us be with the person we truly love.. sometimes i start to think like the non-christians, that God is selfish and His words are unreasonable.. but then i would stop myself.. for i know that God does have a perfect plan for us.. each and every single one, be it christian or not.. yupp.. and as the saying goes, "God is always slow in Man's eyes, but He is never late." so.. i just gotta trust in his timing.. i just hope that one fine day, she'll come to understand the intricate workings of God.. maybe then, we might be put back together? God knows.. so right now i shall just not think of getting into any relationships.. main reason being that i don't think anyone in this world would be able to replace her in my heart.. not for a long time to come.. yeah.. and now i just wana be her good friend.. someone whom she can talk to, someone who can give her a lil advice and encouragement when she needs, just to be there for her in my own little ways to show that i really do care.. she might not have taken notice of the little actions i have done in the past.. and maybe she never will.. but it's alright.. i don't need her to reciprocate.. guess this is what real love is about.. self-sacrifice.. learnt this from Jesus.. yeah.. He did not expect anything from us either when He hung there to die.. He just wanted us to believe.. yeah.. so nic.. if u ever read my blog again.. keep checking back k? if u are interested in the things that happen in my life.. and.. i don't ask for anything back for my care and concern and love for u.. all i ask is that u believe that i do love u.. that is all.. cheers.. ='(