i love you..

It just feels so weird, staring at her sleeping here on the bed in front of me. This is the first time I've sat so close to her while she sleeps, not daring to make a sound or even the slightest movement lest I wake her up. Her face cringed up with pain, her trimmed eyebrows creased in a crooked frown. She looks so weak and helpless lying there, caught in a battle against the pain tormenting her skinny frame. I don't remember her this way. She has always been strong and hardy, able to bear pain and every hardship her own way. Stubborn and unwilling to admit defeat. That is her strongest trait. But she really looked fragile as she lay there on the bed. I can't say I'm very close to her. Cannot even say that I was an influence in her life. Maybe a little, maybe just a slight inspiration, but I'll never know since she will never tell me. She feels like a shadow in my life, fleeting in and out over the years when we grew up. So what is this aching, crippling pain that I feel in my heart as I stare at her? Seeing her in this state, makes me want to cry out. But all I can do right now is to hold back the tears and be strong for her. Holding onto her delicate hands and whispering a silent prayer for her. In me, this thought just keeps running through my head, "I wish I could take your place..." Why is that so? We're not even close. I don't even know who you really are, how you think, and how you behave. So why this thought, why this heartache? I asked God this question, and I think I know why...

Blood runs thicker than water. The love I have for you my lil sister, just runs so naturally. Beyond boudaries, beyond human explanations. Just, another mystery of God. Please get well soon... God, please be with her...

P.S.: i love you...