it hurts like hell...

it's over... all that we had, all that we shared, all the hiding from people, everything. over last night and i guess this time it's forever. sigh.. as much as it hurts me so so so much, i think it's better for both of us since we both know that there won't be a positive ending to it.. she'll never accept and be as God loving as me, and i know that i can't compromise my stand about God and His words either.. yupp.. i just hope that we can both move on nicely and still be as close friends as we were.. i love her so much.. so much that i can't even explain the depths of it.. and being torn between her, God and the people in church, it was getting tiring.. sometimes i wonder.. why can't God let us be with the person we truly love.. sometimes i start to think like the non-christians, that God is selfish and His words are unreasonable.. but then i would stop myself.. for i know that God does have a perfect plan for us.. each and every single one, be it christian or not.. yupp.. and as the saying goes, "God is always slow in Man's eyes, but He is never late." so.. i just gotta trust in his timing.. i just hope that one fine day, she'll come to understand the intricate workings of God.. maybe then, we might be put back together? God knows.. so right now i shall just not think of getting into any relationships.. main reason being that i don't think anyone in this world would be able to replace her in my heart.. not for a long time to come.. yeah.. and now i just wana be her good friend.. someone whom she can talk to, someone who can give her a lil advice and encouragement when she needs, just to be there for her in my own little ways to show that i really do care.. she might not have taken notice of the little actions i have done in the past.. and maybe she never will.. but it's alright.. i don't need her to reciprocate.. guess this is what real love is about.. self-sacrifice.. learnt this from Jesus.. yeah.. He did not expect anything from us either when He hung there to die.. He just wanted us to believe.. yeah.. so nic.. if u ever read my blog again.. keep checking back k? if u are interested in the things that happen in my life.. and.. i don't ask for anything back for my care and concern and love for u.. all i ask is that u believe that i do love u.. that is all.. cheers.. ='(