In awe of You, Jesus...: April 2005

Encounter...

Went out with my jie mei yesterday, lyn and ser. Not sure what's up but my mind was blank and I was totally moodless. Not upset or anything just totally sian and weary. But I brushed it aside as having insufficient sleep.

Supposed to be going off now to meet nic to shop for my army stuff. But decided to watch the Hillsong United DVD. Had a good time dancing about the house and just praising Him. Then came to the slow ministry songs. Sat on the sofa and just let myself be free to worship God. During the spontaneous I just let myself be drawn into the presence of God. He was there. And I felt so led to pray for the worship team and our jamming sessions. I even asked for a personal encounter with God cause it's been so long since I've felt His touch. And there and then God met me. Something in me just exploded and was just weeping and crying out to God. That was when I realised and told Him what was wrong. My walk with God was stagnant. My spirit was dry and thirsty but I've tried to quench that thirst with other activities instead of seeking God. I realised that I missed Him and His Spirit. The life that He has given me to live. It was sweet and pure and joyful and full of love. But I've grown complacent when things are all fine and unconsciously I've developed the mentality that all's well and I don't need God. But I was so so so wrong. After you've tasted the true sweet life of God, nothing else can come close to it. That's why my spirit was dry and listless. Because it was living a life that was substandard. By shortchanging my inner man, I've shortchanged myself of the fullness of the life of God.

Stay strong my dear CG and worship team in your walk with God. Never ever shortchange your spirit and yourself. Even though seeking and spending time with Him may be take up lots of time, which our flesh says could be spent on more enjoyable things, trust me, the time with God is so much better than the time in the world. Remember, we are in the world but not of the world. =)

AH CHOOO!!!!!!!

Haha. Damn this stomach of mine. Gastric flu AGAIN!!! x.x
Why do i always get this lousy thing. Makes my stomach hurt like crazy for no reason. Gotta watch what I eat too. And that sucks to the max. Was dying as I lead CG on Saturday. My stomach was punishing me man. But thank God I managed to finish it completely. Though I seriously doubt my announcements got through to them. Cos I was really really on the verge of passing out from the pain. The walk the the shopping mall was a killer. God... Had fish slice soup. Which for the first time I couldn't finish. Sigh. Took a cab home after that. Passed out for the whole trip. The uncle had to wake me up as he approached my block. Lucky didn't miss my drop-off point. Haha. Collapsed on my mum's bed the moment I got home and slept all the way till 10pm. Noone noticed I was home till that time. Weird. Haha. Bathed and had some cereal and watched tv before taking my medication and going to bed. Woke up on Sunday morning with this ultra bad crampy feeling. Had to hug my stomach for awhile and waiting for the pain to subside before washing up. Went out with my relatives for dim sum at a chinese restaurant near my place. YES. I skipped church. Felt bad though. Wondered how my sheep are. What's wrong with me man. Can't even be bothered with my pain. All I was thinking about was that my members must be so lost without me. Haha. Hope they missed me. Oh wells. My uncle let me drive his car today. So i played chaffeur the whole day. Not too bad. It was quite fun. Haha. Well. I shall take next week off too. Spend more time with my relatives before going NS. Especially my grandparents. I've not seen them for one month. And they look very very old suddenly. My grandma's legs are getting worse judging by how she moves with great difficulty. It really breaks my heart seeing her like this. Dammit. She better not go before I POP from my BMT man. Thinking back, I really regret not having more time with my family members. Oh God... I know you said leave everything and follow You.. I did.. Please.. Protect those that I love.. and let no harm come to them.. That's all I ask.. and by Your grace.. save them too so that I would be able to see them in Heaven.. Yupp.. Amen.