friend or foe?

what's a friend? hmm... i really don't know... i've tried to answer that question for myself for so long... is a friend someone who'll be there when you're in need? is a friend someone who'll give everything for u? is a friend someone who'll treasure u for who u are? maybe the answer is yes... maybe it's no... i'm so frustrated lately... by a dear friend of mine who seems to treat me like dirt... i mean, i try to give in to her whims and requests, try to make her happy, show care and concern... but what do i get? i won't mind if she didn't do the same for me... but does she have to turn around and start giving me disapproving and quizzical frowns at everything thing i said and did? i mean... what's with the judgement? sigh... someone said that maybe it's cos she cares, that's why she is so picky with how i behave... well maybe... but wouldn't nice words and kind advice work better? not saying anything and just getting pissed at me with whatever i did ain't gonna help... sigh... another issue... my same dear friend... i feel that she's taking me for granted... yeah i admit that we see each other everyday and stuff so there's no need for the smses and phonecalls and stuff... ok maybe i'm in the wrong... shouldn't have bothered calling her in the evenings or messaging her and finding out how's her day... just leave her alone as she wants to be... guess she doesn't need me... sigh... even chian keeps in touch and sends me messages to check up on how i'm doing and stuff... and i'm not even half as close to her as nic... ok yes yes... it's nic if you've been trying to guess who it was... sigh... so what if i meet her everyday in school and stuff? seeing her for prolonged periods ain't what i want... all i ask for is just a lil more concern and care... maybe it is too much to ask from nic... i know how much she likes her time to herself doing her own stuff living her own life in her own world... and me... trying to rob her of that lil fraction of attention away from herself, is considered extra... maybe that's why she's pissed... damn... i'm babbling again... don't know what i'm trying to get at... the last two fingers eh... still ain't budging i guess... still trying to cling on to a hope that isn't there anymore... the part of my heart that's still trying to feel and embrace the warmth and love that's now ice cold... the portion of my soul that's still so enchanted by her... by all that she possesses and all that she is... sigh... this heart wrenching ache that's killing me... squeezing tears out of my already exhausted tear ducts... pain in it's most destructive form... will i survive this? well i guess i will... i've survived through the toughest storms in my life... but then again... all those are nothing compared to affairs of the heart... God save me i pray... that's all i ask... i so wana move on... so don't wana be bothered by whether nic treats me like dirt or not... so wana be able to relate to her as before we were attached... when we were close but i ain't bothered by whether she pays attention to me or initiates to sms me... we're relating fine now... it's just me... just me who gotta learn to rewind the tape... yeah... nic... if you're reading this, i'm sorry for everything i guess... just continue living your life and all... don't have to bother about me... just hope you don't take me for granted... cos... i don't know... i just might be gone before you know it... gone as in... never mind... yeah... just.. hope you'll sometimes think of me this friend and try to keep in touch and stuff... yupps...